The Mind of a Teenage Girl
What is the magical answer? I don’t have one for you, because my answer is not yours.
I was always ashamed of my emotions, it disgusted me that I felt so much. I feel everything. I wanted to feel nothing. It was my weakness, I cared so much and people care so little. Everything was personal and big, nothing I feel could be anything but big. I wanted to be strong, and everything in emotions could only evoke weakness in my eyes. Though, how could you expect me to feel any different, because now everything has changed. I am not blissful in my ignorance anymore. I am growing and how could it be anything but awful. Everyone expects and I can’t seem to reach. I am not great, nor smart, not even pretty. Though no one has told me otherwise, I can’t seem to escape feeling this, but I try, I care, I must deserve it right? Everything inside me tells me to screech so that I may be heard, but it's not like anyone has their best-listening ears on. Everyone whispers in my head of what everything, everyone, even me, should be, but I was only young, so everything, everyone, even me, was my fault. How could it be anyone else? In the end, no matter what, my thoughts will always have a home in my head, this I know. I never wanted that, I never wanted this, because I once was a star, a sun, now all I do is burn. But I was only young, I was only small, how could I have felt differently. I may still be young and small, but not as young, nor as small, and not as hurt. So what is the change? What is the magical answer? I don’t have one for you, because my answer is not yours. I never needed an answer, I needed understanding. Not only did I to feel understood, I needed to understand myself. My emotions had brought me my strength. Love, kindness, pure intentions, and hearts, were brought to me in the form of people, and in that had grown hope. Today in the now, I hadn’t even realized that in the process I became the girl I had wished upon every star to be. So here I am, this is me.
Yaretzy, a young writer from the Los Angeles area who loves poetry, films, books and her family. The Mind of a Teenage Girl blog is her vision.